Why don’t men want to join? Why won’t they commit to me? How do you make a man commit?
These are questions that have been put to me this week and to which I respond in this article.
What’s a commitment?
To answer these questions, it is first necessary to define what is behind the word commitment.
For some people, commitment is marriage. For others, it’s about moving in together. And for others, it’s the decision to have children and a family.
But commitment can also mean knowing what you want. That is to say to decide to engage in a long and serious relationship. Unlike the relationship where they say, ” I don’t know what I want.”
Personally, I think the minimum thing in a relationship is that both partners love each other and want a long-term relationship together.
Do we commit to living?
It seems to me important to make an aside on the engagement and on its duration. When you engage with someone, you think you’re committing to living. You know the words of Walt Disney’s cartoons, “They lived happily ever after.”
In real life, it’s not exactly the same story.
So, we may very well want to be in a relationship today and want to love each other for life but not succeed in our relationship and end our relationship in 5, 10 or 20 years.
This is self-evident to some, but I must make it clear that I am sometimes asked this question: “he was committed to me. He told me he’d love me all his life. Why did he leave me ? “.
We are not constant in our lives, we are constantly changing.
Today, I want to be with my partner for life. But I can’t be sure that’s going to be the case for the rest of my life. That’s why you should never make promises for granted in time.
Marriage and commitment
I will also make a second aside in connection with the previous one because it is important, especially for women.
Here’s a little story: one of my best friends was happy as a couple and wanted to get married when her partner didn’t necessarily want to. I asked her why it was so important to her.
She told me that marriage was a commitment from her partner and that she would feel reassured and safer.
I will be clear on this point: nothing can ever assure you of a commitment to your partner’s life.
If you trust your partner, if he is sincere and if he wants to be with you today, enjoy this beautiful story in the present without asking any questions.
And if you want to get married, do it out of envy, but not out of fear of leaving.
You must never act (or not act) out of fear.
Why don’t men want to join?
Let us come to the first question posed at the beginning of the article: Why do men not want to commit themselves?
We must not make general statements, because this is a mistake: men want to commit as much as women if they feel ready and are with a person who corresponds to them.
Every day around us we meet men who have married, married and had children.
So just because you know two or three men who don’t want to commit doesn’t mean that no man wants to commit.
Why don’t men want to get involved with me?
On the other hand, the second question is more interesting: why do men not want to engage with me?
If you’re going through the short stories and you can’t go any further, you have to analyze the situation to understand if it’s pure chance or if it’s your choices or attitudes that are causing the situation.
Possible reasons for this include:
- You choose partners who do not agree with you: so it works in the short term but you cannot build a real connection with them
- You choose partners who don’t want the same thing as you do: they want a short story and you want a long story. They like you physically, they sleep with you but they don’t want to go any further.
- You play a role at the beginning of the relationship to please or not to displease: it works at the very beginning of the relationship but not in the medium or long term
- You want a serious relationship so badly that you put pressure on it from the beginning of the relationship so that it goes fast: the partners flee the pressure and leave you quickly.
- You are in need and /or emotional dependence: in the short term, your partners appreciate all the love you give them but quickly feel suffocating pressure and leave you.
As you can see, we’re rapidly finding a cause for the failure of our early relationship. You simply have to do a job of introspection and questioning.
Also, keep in mind that sometimes it takes a lot of meetings that don’t work out before you find a partner with whom we will have a great long-term relationship.
Also, remember that romantic breaks are not failures but life experiences. See my article: a breakup is not a failure.
How do you make a man commit?
We come to the main question of the article: How to make a man commit himself?
- He must be available
- He must want a long relationship
- He must be the right person for you (read the article: how to know if it’s the right one)
- He must want the same thing as you: marriage, children, etc …
In the phrase “how to make a man commit himself”, there is a notion of making someone do something against their will.
So ask yourself: Why doesn’t he want to commit? Communicate with and try to understand your partner. Only by talking and finding a common solution can you both be happy as a couple.
Here is an example from a reader’s testimony: she was in a couple with a man who had married and divorced twice. They were together for less than a year. She wanted to get married, but he was reluctant. So she was putting pressure on him.
This woman had one goal: to get married. But he had a history that no longer made him want to get married.
You should not choose a partner and make it conform to your life objective without taking into consideration his life and his history.
And one last piece of advice: if you are happy in your man-less life if you are fulfilled and well-behaved, you will be more likely to attract men and make them want to engage with you.
If you are in demand and in need, if your partner feels pressure rather than serenity, he will ask himself questions. And if he asks, he won’t want to commit.
For this reason, personal fulfillment is important in the success of your romantic relationships and in your daily well-being.
On the same theme, I recommend the articles: how to make a man love and how to please a man.
Now to you, what are your stories and experiences on this subject? Do you have any questions?