Emotionless Sex and Aggression: What do You Need to Know?

Emotionless sex and aggression can be an issue to relationships especially when there are more aggressive men. Most men complain about women being mad at men if they become not a little pushy and this topic is about how men can be so aggressive towards women. The irony here is, more guys who date women don’t like the feeling like feeling obligated to put their arms on her shoulder because they want it or pull her hair during sex or do some things like “making the first move”, “being a man” that proves male dominance in relationships. There are actually signs of a dominant boyfriend when dating. However,  it can also be labeled as sexual misconduct. 

Sexual Aggression

Well, we all know that there are women who become mad when men are too shy, slow or passive. Meanwhile, you can keep making them mad. Symptoms of sexually aggressive behavior during dating or sex is dangerous. The anticipation that a person might like the feeling is really not worth risking, the chance that he or she won’t and might lead to emotionless sex and aggression.  

One sign is that when a partner ignored a partner’s “no”, it can be violence or aggression especially in chasing of your own “yes”, says Shadeen Francis, a family therapist, “Only those not obtained “yes” by threat or forced can be considered as permission to continue physical, sexual or emotional encounter.” Otherwise, they are signs that it’s more than physical for him and it’s emotionless.  

There are a lot of theories that talk about aggression like Sigmund Freud’s theory called Freud’s Theory of Aggression that also emphasized the personality traits of a sexually dominant man. For example, there was a woman who has a boyfriend, and a man tried to kiss him even when she told him that she only wants friendship and a platonic relationship. Repeatedly telling the man to stop, the man said, “It’s okay, you don’t have to feel guilty about not kissing me” which was a sign of aggression and the man was really trying to sexually assault the woman without any guilt. How can that happen? Well, that maybe one of the signs he wants to make love to you but not because he loves you but he just wants to be satisfied. 

Moreover, it is more of one of the examples of male dominance in society. It is a societal script on how men behave toward women. It is common in society to view it as a hot or romantic act when a woman’s “no” is ignored. It’s a common culture when a man tries to sleep with a woman even if she is not interested so he fights, convinces or lets down her defenses but it is alarming for it represents emotionless sex and aggression. 

Experts on Emotionless Sex and Aggression 

A therapist who was teaching relationship health, Kate McCauley, MEd, LCSW, gave the country song “(Kissed You) Good Night” by Gloriana as an example of the issue of emotionless sex and aggression. McCauley said that there is sexual stimulation when you played it rough but it also requires communication which is respectful and you need to stop when either party tells you to. 

The famous movie and book Fifty Shades of Grey give a dangerous message to men and women, says Dr. Susan Edelman, the author of the book, Be Your Own Brand of Sexy. She says that following the sex life of the movie is over-sexualization and the more men and women see violence as a normal, glamorous, or romantic act, the more they can’t see the harm in it and they can’t differentiate when someone stepped over the line. 

Keep in mind

If someone is really interested in you, the opportunity won’t just go away when you are being respectful. If someone became interested in you because you are pushy, they weren’t’ interested in the first place. They are just pressured. Keep in mind that aggression is not a romantic act but a boundary violation. In a relationship, you must also respect your partner’s need for space and the safety of others. Persistence can easily be coercion and it’s not sexy neither romantic. 

Read also: