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“Is He Testing Me by Pulling Away” Why Men Do It and How to Deal with It?

Say you were seeing this guy. You hit it off right away, you talk about really pleasant things, laugh most of the time, you enjoy each other’s company. You might even have been going out for quite a while now. He has never brought up the L word or anything about starting a relationship any time soon, but he has shown undeniable signs that he likes you. He looks lovingly at you, shows that he cares, makes time for you, and even surprised you one afternoon and gave you a ride home, but then he just suddenly stops.

Don’t you just hate it when everything is going really smoothly? You spend a lot of time together. You feel safe around him and can be your true self around him. But then one day, for some unknown reason, he suddenly becomes cold towards you. No more of those good morning texts. No more meet-ups. No more 3-hour calls before going to bed. All of a sudden, he’s pulling away.

You ask yourself, “is the testing me by pulling away? Is he playing mind games or is he just not that interested in me?” Whatever your questions are, we will try to give a couple of possible reasons why men pull away.

Why do guys pull away before they commit or when things are getting good?

1. He just might not like you that much.

Of course, this is a huge possibility. He might have been curious and wanted to know where this could go with you, and then he might have realized that what you two have may not really be what he is looking for, so he distances himself from you.

2. He loves the single life too much.

Maybe he just loves how this feels but isn’t really ready for the responsibilities of a commitment. What this just says he enjoys his freedom more than he enjoys your company. This is one of the mind games guys play. So, if he becomes cold and then mentions that he likes you, but he does not want to be in a relationship and that you are just two friends enjoying each other’s presence, then walk away. You do not need that in your life. You want a relationship with someone who loves having you around to do things with.

3. He might have other personal problems.

He might have had a really toxic relationship wherein he trusted his partner so much who cheated on him, so he is now extra careful on who to trust. This could be a sign that he is falling in love but is scared that he might get hurt. But see, if he really likes you, he will face his fear, and really commit to you.

4. You might just be one of his options.

He might be distancing himself because he fancies someone else now and did not want to let you know so he does the most stupid thing ever—he gives you the cold shoulder. Yes, you might just be one of the many girls he is pursuing right now, we don’t really know, but that is a possibility.

What to do when he begins to pull away?

1. Do not chase him and just let him be.

Yup, you heard me: do not chase him when he pulls away. Tell him, “sure” and then go to that place you really like that plays a lot of good music. Just really leave him alone when he pulls away. You should let him know that no, you are not going to do the chasing. In this step, it is very important to show how to be high value when he pulls away, and no high-value woman chases someone who does not know how to act right around ladies. Insecure men play mind games, they need someone to run after them because that feeds their ego. But ladies, that is not our job, so what do we do? We turn around with our chins up and walk away. This is where the rubber band theory comes into play.

2. Focus on yourself

Nothing beat self-care, and self-development! When he noticed that you are not buying his crap, he will start to think that maybe he’s messed with a girl who is too good for him. It will leave him scratching his head when he sees you still having the time of your life even without him and look even more beautiful than ever. Leave him alone when he pulls away, focus on yourself, and that might even increase the chances of him coming back to you.

3. When he comes back, give him some sort of a reward.

No, I’m not saying you go back to how you were prior to him leaving you hanging for a while back there. I mean, maybe say yes to an invitation to go out, but don’t do it like you are really excited. Make it seem like he did something you did not like but, hey, you’re a nice person so you’ll give him one more chance. And again, if he seems to be pulling away from you, say bye. He’s had his chance and he blew it. But if he does better this time, then ladies, you did a great job.

Men sometimes get cold all of sudden because of reasons unknown to us. It is possible that he is testing you by pulling away, this could also be one of the subtle signs that he wants to break up with you if you already are in a relationship. But the secret here is really to just let him go, he’ll come back to you if he really is interested in you. But if he doesn’t then that’s okay, you do not need a man who cannot handle you. So, to answer your question “is the testing me by pulling away?”, give him space and you should get your answer.

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