Flirting is part of human interaction. It’s one of the ways to express sexual interest. There are many reasons or intrinsic motivations why people flirt but the end goal is to make yourself stand out and establish or strengthen the bond.
Flirting is part of our biological desire to reproduce. The body language from women like showing her hips and body is nature saying “I can carry a child”. Meanwhile, men who make eye contact and smile are sending a signal he is dependable and virile.
Interestingly, men are attracted to women who have a certain hip to waist ratio while women find men with prominent jaw attractive.
Multiple studies done showed how women tend to not notice how men are attracted to them while men tend to overestimate women are into them.
The facial expression also influences the process of flirting. A psychologist from British Columbia Jessica Tracy showed 1,041 people with various facial expression and found out that women who showed happiness are attractive to men while pride looking men is attractive for women.
Motivations for flirting
According to Professor David Henningsen from the University of Northern Illinois, there are mainly six reasons why people flirt:
- Trying to get laid
- Just for fun, similar to a sport
- Improve intimacy
- Boost one’s self-esteem
- trying to manipulate a person to do something
Even though flirting is part of being human, many people find it difficult and stressful. Flirting is connected to our limbic system, a portion in our brain where it controls the survival instinct of our being. Surprisingly, flirting is not exactly a learned behavior as we thought but is part of a fight or flight response, an impulsive behavior.
If so, why is it nerve-wracking to flirt? It is because flirting is also influenced by our cultural environment and social rules. Our fear of breaking any social etiquette & causing embarrassment restrained us from doing so.
Therefore, it is understandable why flirting is difficult for many to execute. The good news is, there are ways to be an expert at flirting based on science. Here are the ways to flirt with a girl:
The first thing you need to do for a successful flirt is to be confident. Having self-confidence is not something you are born with. It takes practice. So do not be discouraged at your first attempt. Focus on your strengths and positive traits. If you do not believe in yourself, nobody will.
A study done by the Journal of Research in Personality showed after 2 minutes of eye contact with strangers, participants expressed an increased feeling of attraction. Establishing eye contact is an important part of flirting. Read more: Social Interaction: What Does Prolonged Eye Contact Mean From a Man to a Woman?
To avoid awkward stare, follow Jodi Schulz 50/70 rule. Spend 50% of the time for eye contact while talking and 70% of the time listening. You can glance to the side occasionally.
One of the many ways to flirt with a girl is humor. Many women find humor as an attractive trait in men. When we laugh, the body releases the hormone oxytocin, known as the bonding hormone. The same hormone is released during sex, giving birth and nursing.
Laughter is a sign of attraction and sharing a good joke is certainly an effective technique for flirting.
Aside from eye contact, smiling is part of the flirting tactic. A psychologist from Webster University, Dr. Monica Moore mentioned smiling are among the best way to express interest in a girl. It is a universally known sign.
Do not forget that your body language is involved when you want to effective flirt. When attempting to create a conversation with someone you like, avoid crossing your arms. Make sure your body is facing her to indicate attention.
Get her a hot drink
Another creative way to flirt with a girl is by buying her a hot drink. If you are in a coffee shop, then this is a perfect tactic to employ. Warm drinks over a conversation can give the girl a perception of the feeling they will experience when they are with you.
A gentle touch
A study published in Social Influence showed a gentle touch is the best flirtatious touch such as a shoulder touch or handshake. This is because it gives a non-threatening feeling to the girls.
Avoid pick-up lines
Unless you are trying to make yourself look awkward, then use pick-up lines. Many girls find it silly and will not take you seriously. Instead, ask questions like “What do you think about the band?” kind of questions.
Maintain good posture
Body posture is considered non-verbal communication. It will show how confident you are which is an added trait for successful flirting.
When you are attempting to compliment a girl, the number one rule is to be sincere. Find something that you really mean. A simple as complimenting her boots is good enough to get her attention.
Understand how others flirt
Recognizing how others flirt can help you response confidently and flirt back. This is not easy though, because both genders don’t really know how to recognize when someone is flirting but can easily detect when someone is not interested in them.
Aside from the usual signs, there are several body movements you can read to notice if the person is flirting with you. Women tend to emphasize their body presentation such as touching their hair, neck or lips.
In 2010, published research by Jeffrey Hall and Chong Xing suggest that there are five flirting styles.
- Traditional flirt: Men make the first move
- Physical flirt: subtle touching with the person they are interested in
- Playful flirt: see it as a game or using it for something
- Sincere flirt: for people to open up
You can use all these creative ways to flirt with a girl but remember do not feel discouraged if you get rejected. Believe in your worth and strength, and exude positivity.
You might also want to read: Flirting Techniques Top Ways to Flirt with a Guy